Thesis Practice

            1.    My commute to SCSU adds one hour each way onto my daily school schedule.

This is not considered an acceptable thesis statement in that it is just stating their personal problem. Simply stating that the commute is adds an hour to their day does not specify a unique argument and does not include why or how. This statement can also be looked at as an announcement of their topic.

2. Students who must commute a long way to school are at a disadvantage compared to those who live nearby.

From a high school perspective, I would have thought this was an acceptable thesis statement, but I now realize that it does not have the “because” factor attached to it. It does not state why these students are at a disadvantage, is it because of traffic? Is it because of the long drive, gas prices, etc? The statement has a strong argument in that not many people would disagree, but it just needs that extra “because”.

3. In this paper, I will discuss why living on campus is the best option for college students.

This statement is a perfect example of how not to formulate a thesis. It is announcing the topic and makes for a boring thesis and introduction. Taking “In this paper” out would still create a weak thesis because the topic is very broad and does not state why living on campus is the best option for college students. The statement has a good argument because they will need to prove why they think this way in that some people may think living on campus is not the best option.

4. Schools should do more to encourage students to live on campus.

What do schools need to do to accomplish this? Why “should” they do this? This sentence needs more detail and particulars to make it more informative. Using the word “should” in thesis statements, as we discussed in class, may not be the best word choice and sounds more of an individual opinion. Words like must or need to can replace the word should.

5. Alcohol and drug use are major problems among college students.

This thesis is more specific than some of the others as it says alcohol and drugs are major problems among students but it also does not include why. Perhaps it hinders their studies? Gets them in legal trouble? Campus rules broken? It could also be looked at as an obvious problem and fact that not too many people would disagree with.

6. Colleges have a lot of rules regarding drug and alcohol use.

To add to this thesis, they could put why colleges have a lot of rules such as underage drinking. Also, what comprises “a lot”? Adding a more specific amount can reduce different perceptions of what a lot is.

7. Resident halls must take steps to enforce the rules regarding alcohol use in order to ensure the safety of their residents.

This seems as though it is a well written thesis and argument. It is something that must be proven and able to be proven, clear, it provides why they must take these steps and is not an announcement of topic.

8. The New York Times has shown that underage drinking directly relates to lowered GPAs for college students, and therefore colleges should not allow this type of behavior on their campuses.

This thesis seems to already have been proven and therefore might not be the best to argue. It has a credible source but it is a fact that is not disagreeable and is obvious.

9. My essay will prove how detrimental underage drinking is for college students.
Never use “my essay will prove/is about.” It is not an effective way to add the thesis into a paper and is simply an announcement of the topic.

B. Now write two good thesis statements, one on the topic of commuting vs. living on campus, one on the topic of drugs or alcohol and college students.

• It is necessary for students to reside on campus to ensure the full college experience including independence, social aspects, and academics.
• Alcohol consumption on college campuses significantly harms health, academics, and relationships of college students that are intensely disturbing our society and character of various college campuses.