Self- Evaluation: The Wall

Stephanie Russo

ENG 112

May 6^th, 2014

The Wall

            One of the many goals of taking a college course is to not only learn and apply the material given, but to also grow as an individual. This goal has flourished through the ten courses I have already taken as a college student in that I continue to learn more about my abilities in academia along with as individually. Throughout English 112, I had a few standards for myself to achieve during the course of the spring semester simply because you cannot measure your success without determining your starting point. As I plug along through these four years working up to my career, I seek skills that will benefit me for the duration. It is evident to me that my improved organizational skills and ability to review while writing will benefit me in the future and into my career as a Speech-Language Pathologist.

            When writing, organizing the piece so that it will flow and make sense the entire way through has proved to be more important than I presumed. Before this semester, I was unaware of the different techniques used in organization, and just made sure that my ending sentences and topic sentences bounced off of each other. Because of this, attempting to put my ideas into essay format as well as making sure the organization was strong was difficult for me. I would just write whatever came next in chronological order every time. In my blog post “Activity 6”, there was no sense of organization as I jumped from the idea of critical analysis to the importance of asking questions. If I were to attempt reviewing this activity even further, I would apply the knowledge that I now have of creating an after-the-fact outline to make sure my organization, topic and ending sentences held fluidity. Furthermore, like many other first year college students, I was under the impression that the five paragraph layout was the way to go. English 112 has clearly shown me that this structure of an essay is not efficient and will not be considered “college-level writing”. I started off my Autobiographical Essay titled, “Love from Afar” this way and found myself struggling to incorporate more information without making the paragraphs all bleed together. The end result became many different paragraphs when going to a new thought and proved to paint a better essay than the standardized high school model. There are many ways in which you can organize your paper including spatial order, time order, cause and effect order, and compare and contrast order, to name a few. Implementing one of these strategies, my Southern Problem and Solution assignment titled “Gym Nightmare” followed a problem solution pattern in each of the body paragraphs and a concession and refutation paragraph just before my conclusion. In doing this, the essay was rhythmic and was well-organized compared to when I first wrote the essay and had problem and solution paragraphs scattered about. Organization is a worthy skill to obtain so that your readers have the ability to follow along with your perspective easily and also keeps the pieces interesting.

            It was also true that prior to this semester, I would be able to get away with changing a few sentences here and there when going from rough draft to final draft. But the power of reviewing your paper yourself and peer review has changed my perspective completely. I was never a fan of peer review as stated in my “4R” blog post. I write, “Excited to be a part of writer’s workshop in high school for the first few times, I’ve learned that it was pretty awful in the end. Not only did I give peer review a second chance, but definitely obtained new ways for myself to become a more efficient peer editor.” These are two statements that I expressed through my reaction blog post for the week and show the contrast throughout the peer review process that I experienced. My outlook changed completely when performing these tasks in a college classroom setting and I was humbled by it. Additionally, peer editing was such a warming process to know that other people in my group appreciated my writing and were kind enough to provide feedback that would later help me improve my piece. The insight to different perspectives was provided and this process also gave me time away from my paper so that I would be able to go back to it with clear eyes and a clear mind. With maturity comes progress and I have demonstrated this to myself in English this semester.  Contrasting my opinion of reviewing from the beginning of the semester to now is a good representation of how my perspective on the future has changed.

            Speech-language pathologists, sometimes called speech therapists, work with people who have an assortment of speech-related conditions. These disorders can include the inability to produce certain sounds, speech rhythm and fluency problems, and voice disorders. Helping people who want to modify accents or who have swallowing difficulties is also included in this occupation. With sheer confidence, English 112 has prepared me with the necessary skills to move forward. Beginning with being able to write a clearly organized report on various cases will be a crucial expertise to hold especially if treatment stretches over a long period of time. It will ensure that the next person who deals with this same patient, will be able to easily follow the report on their diagnosis and take appropriate further action if needed. Also, being a part of the peer reviewing process has made me more modest and able to work with a diverse group of people. Even on a small scale, being able to collaborate and work on a task together with a diversity of people is a skill not able to be taught and very useful when approaching any job.

            I look at the transformation of my writing this semester as a perfect work in progress. By meeting the benchmarks I set for myself, my abilities to essentially review my skills have shined through. Knowing that there will be lessons from this class that I can apply through the rest of my life and into my career is such a relief. All of the time and effort put into this semester, whether it be reorganizing my papers or developing someone else’s, was worthwhile and has helped me grow. But, the climbing does not stop here. I will take these lessons and abilities and apply for whatever comes my way. Think about a period of time that when you look back, it is as if you have knocked down a soaring wall and gotten through to the other side. What a breath of fresh air. 

Essay #3 - Gym Nightmare

Gym Nightmare

            Prior to suffering a knee injury, I never saw the importance of joining a gym in that I had all the exercise I needed from constantly playing soccer and dancing. But, once I was required to join after physical therapy, it became part of my lifestyle. Not only did it further my progress in getting my knee stronger, but the friends and people I have met throughout the years at many different gyms will be some I will never forget. It has become habitual for me and my dad to go together and we have developed such a closer relationship because of it. We constantly push each other and motivate the other to put in our best, every time. Gyms outpour with supportive members and people who would love to see you reach your goals and I will never catch myself without a membership again. It is of utmost importance that this same experience is happening at our gym here at SCSU. Whether it be continuing a habit from home, or wanting to start a healthy lifestyle when you start college, the gym is one of the best places to relieve the stresses of college.

If you take a walk to the Adanti Student Center and up a few flights of stairs, the friendly, and sweat filled atmosphere will greet you on your right. Filled with cardio and weight machines and a well-kept, clean locker room, separating the genders, the Fitness Center at Southern Connecticut State University seems to be fulfill their member’s needs and hold themselves to a standard where only positivity is accepted. Being a member of this school gym requires you to pay a fee of sixty dollars per semester and is offered to students, faculty, and even alumni. If our semesters are about three and a half months long, this translates to about eighteen dollars a month. After completing your daily workout routine many times here, it becomes evident that the glorious gym you thought you would be entering is not all it is cracked up to be. By using the membership money wisely, it is necessary for the Fitness Center to install adequate water supply and air conditioning along with promoting more social events to ensure students and faculty will have a healthy and worthwhile workout.

            Stepping foot into this facility, the most obvious things you would notice would be sweat and beat red faces, but the less obvious are hard work ethic and determination. Along with these characteristics, comes dedication to a healthy lifestyle and the most important ingredient to this is water. When you exercise, your body loses water through sweat as it tries to cool itself down. This is water that needs to be sufficiently replaced for you to maintain optimal health. Even though hydrating yourself involves drinking a lot of water before physical activity, keeping this hydration present is important while you actually participate in the activity. (Livestrong.com) Most underestimate the importance of water and do not realize the risks of not being completely hydrated, which is probably why it is not acted upon in the fitness center. If you dance your feet along the white tiled and speckled floor covered with sporadic spaces of sand and into the locker rooms, you will notice a traditional silver water fountain peeking out of the wall. As you bend at the waist and fill your water bottle, the cold sensation of the bottle on your hand makes your mouth water and ready for rejuvenation. When actually taking a sip of this, you will find more of a metal taste in your mouth rather than that cold water you were expecting. This is because these water fountains are not purified water, and just the regular tap water from the city of New Haven. New Haven's tap water comes from the South Central Connecticut Regional Water Authority, and although regulated by the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), they have created reports that the water includes "lead levels that still often exceed medically recognized health standards." (United States Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), 2012) The lead is so potent in the water that squirts out of the fountain, which many members shy away from refilling their water bottles because they detest the taste. A danger is now produces as many members go without drinking water during their workout because this is their only option.  Keeping this in mind, it is crucial for the school gym to install at least one purified water fountain because even as little as a two percent drop in body water can cause small but critical shrinkage in the brain that can slow thinking, and decrease concentration. Being at a college, these characteristics must be at a peak to maximize learning and thinking abilities. When putting it into perspective, installing a purified water fountain sounds expensive, but with just one of these fundraising events, and splitting the proceeds in half, the goal is attainable. If buying from Primo Water & Dispensers, it will be one hundred and eighty dollars for hot and cold Pro Series Dispenser. This dispenser will additionally self-clean so that it is efficient and a solid investment for the members in that they will receive better quality water and also lessen their risk of dehydration while working out.

As it starts to get warmer, the air inside of the buildings gets more humid and muggy and is deprived of oxygen. Now imagine over fifty bodies in a single room, all generating extra body heat from exercising and sweating. Just this past weekend, the SCSU Fitness Center was closed because of “high temperatures”. This is unfair to the members as they pay a membership fee and expect to have access to the gym every day of the week. When asked about the gym conditions, Victoria, a freshman at SCSU stresses the simple fact that air conditioning is needed in this workout facility: “It is so hard to concentrate on your work out when you are gasping for sweaty air. We do pay sixty dollars a semester for our membership to this gym so I think the least they can do is put in air conditioning for us.” Granted, this is only one member’s opinion, but it is a commonality for many who work out here to feel this way. It would be difficult to close the gym and put in air conditioning in a pre-existing building, but decreasing the risk of overheating and the growth of molds and mildews by putting a cooling unit would outweigh the price immensely. Being exposed to these allergens such as mold, mildew, and pollen can cause a person to have allergic reactions, develop asthma, and respiratory problems. (hellomagazine.com) Reducing the risk of the presence of external allergens would ensure that members will have a healthy workout with no excuses.

            Every so often, you will see a neon colored sign exclaiming that an event tied to the fitness center is being held soon. These events can range from Zumba to Insanity and are a great way for students who attend SCSU to get out and have a good time with their friends, while working on their fitness and getting healthy. However, it is only but every two months will these signs pop up and it is time to increase the amount of events held that are sponsored by the fitness center. By holding these for members of the gym and non-members, will promote fitness campus wide and excite students to incorporate daily exercise into their routine. Some people are just so intimidated by actually going into a gym because of “gym rats” and intimidation, but these fun events will show them that there is nothing to be afraid of and that being healthy is the way to be. It is important to remember that this gym is not like others just placed in the middle of plazas. The SCSU Fitness Center is dead center on a college campus, so coordinating events such as school wide running events or 5K marathons is a way for the students to come together. As a side note, more than half of the residents that live on campus make their way home on the weekends because of how “dead” the campus is on the weekends. Hosting these events for students will draw students to stay here and interact with the school on the weekends, and can also be a popular fundraising event.

            Fundraising is a broad topic and there are many options for the Fitness Center to act upon to raise money for these causes. Generally speaking, college students, especially here at Southern, love tee shirts. With this being said, the Fitness Center can promote an event, whether it be a flag football tournament or exercise class such as Boot Camp, where everyone can pay a small amount to take the class and afterwards can tye dye a tee shirt. To make this more attractive, half of the proceeds can be donated to an association such as the American Cancer Association or American Heart Association. Obviously, not every student who attends school here will have a gym membership or even care about the gym itself, but including these causes into the mix will help get members and non-members involved. These can also provide exposure to the gym atmosphere for those who aren’t familiar and get them to consider joining. The exposure is important because it is so common for people who have never attended a gym to be overwhelmed and feel as though everyone is watching only them but this is not the case. Sure, fundraising can cost a few bucks and students may not be interested, but if held during the week at a low cost such as five dollars, these fundraising events can make a real impact.

In comparison to schools that are similar to Southern, such as Eastern Connecticut State University, the Fitness Center falls below. At Eastern, students have access to not one, but two gyms that have air conditioning and purified water fountains. Mirrors line the walls of these gyms and a membership is included in the tuition. Furthermore, gyms that occupy the surrounding areas such as Planet Fitness or Cardio Express, charge ten dollars per month and also include classes and free tanning from time to time.  What makes Southern different that a sixty dollar membership fee is required per semester and why is this money not being used resourcefully? Imagine a gym on campus that takes care of your health needs and social needs. A more efficient environment to help you constantly reach fitness goals, and keep you coming back for more. This perfect gym can be established here at Southern if the money collected from events and memberships was used in a smarter fashion, keeping the hydration and body temperature in mind. How can Southern and the Fitness Center work together to alter the budget and improve the facility?

Works Cited

"Air Conditioning: Cool." Hellomagazine.com. N.p., n.d. Web.  Apr. 2014. <http://www.hellomagazine.com/healthandbeauty/health-and-fitness/201007053811/air-conditioning/health/risks/>.

"Importance of Drinking Water during Exercise." LIVESTRONG.COM. LIVESTRONG.COM, 02 Jan. 2014. Web. 26 Apr. 2014. <http://www.livestrong.com/article/339075-importance-of-drinking-water-during-exercise/>.

 "Local Drinking Water Information." Home. N.p., n.d. Web. Apr. 2014. <http://water.epa.gov/drink/local/index.cfm>.

Victoria Marino. Personal Interview. 4/9/2014

9R

Our week in English consisted of one word, essays. On Tuesday, we had the chance to peer review the second drafts of essay three. This peer review session worked out tremendously as we were able to switch essays with different people in the class to get a feel for other writing styles and also we were given the rubric to which we will be held accountable. This made the peer review straighter forward and based on the same criteria throughout. Kim definitely had ideas for me to add to my essay as I had reached just about three pages with nowhere to go. I got a chance to take a breather away from the essay and her ideas really helped me to further the essay and escape writer’s block. It was beneficial to see what my peers thought I would lose points on the most, which were adding more ethos and personal connection to the problem I was describing. It was easy to describe the problem because everyone loves to complain sometimes, but coming up with a valid and realistic solution was my challenge during this assignment.

                Moving forward to Thursday, with draft three of essay three in hand, I was feeling much better about the final product. I was able to elongate the essay and include more specific information such as statistics and personal connections. In class, we wrote a reflective letter to the professor so that we may address more areas that can be improved before handing in the final draft. I wrote that I needed feedback on my thesis statement because I was unsure about how specific it was, and also am unsure how the essay flows/ if it has flowing organization and what I can do to fix these. These will be discussed during our conferences next week which I am looking forward to so that I can ensure that I am completing this essay correctly and going in the right direction with it. We then were introduced to the final essay which a self-reflective piece that is universal to all English 112 classes. While talking in small groups, I figured out that I wanted my topic to be revolved around the ways in which what I have learned during this semester will help me throughout my career as a Speech-Language Pathologist. It was a good way to brainstorm and nail down a topic, all that is left is to gather evidence and create a final piece that I can compile all the knowledge from this semester and be proud!

9T

Anecdote- a short and amusing or interesting story about a real incident or person

After the fact outline- states the topics of each paragraph and recognizes the organization of the essay or story

Problem- a matter or situation regarded as unwelcome or harmful and needing to be dealt with and overcome.

Solution- a means of solving a problem or dealing with a difficult situation.

Self-reflection- consideration or serious thought about one's character, actions, and motives.

Reflective writing- a form of personal response to experiences, situations, events or new information, a way of making meaning out of what you study and learn

8R

“When learning is purposeful, creativity blossoms. When creativity blossoms, thinking emanates. When thinking emanates, knowledge is fully lit.” A.P.J. Abdul Kalam

               

This week, after a long time coming, we handed in our first final essay. I can say with confidence that this piece was one of the most well written and meaningful pieces I have ever written and I really shocked myself. It is crazy what you can do if you really put your mind to it. The final product is one I can say exemplifies hard work and dedication. Up until this point, I would always get frustrated and discouraged about writing a thesis, but after a lot of revising, I was finally capable to come up with a strong working thesis.

                Furthermore, in-class we started talking about fallacies and the elements of arguments that appeal to your audience. These include logos, pathos, and ethos. Last semester, we focused heavily on these aspects and how they were intertwined in advertising or media. So, when asked to find examples of fallacies for homework, I relied on my prior knowledge to complete it. Additionally, when looking at fallacies, I am aware of what they are, but have a difficult time figuring out which category they fall under. We then read the essay “Children Should Play, Not Compete,” and picked apart the different elements the author used. She had an interesting introductory strategy and way of displaying her thesis which our class agreed was a bit confusing. The author also definitely established strong credibility by using multiple sources, but had none of her own analysis or thoughts on the source material, and therefore hurt her argument. When I first read this essay that was the first thing to jump out at me. We were always taught that when writing, the more examples, the better but our class recognized this not to be the case because it can be overpowering. Rather, you should add your own opinion and have the sources support your opinion. Our in-class activity really facilitated practicing a new technique called an “after the fact outline” which was super helpful in looking at the authors organizational strategies and can also help establish what needs to be worked on. I do feel myself getting stronger in more areas of reading and writing, so keep it coming!

Blog 8T

Blog 8T

Argument- a statement, reason, or fact for or against a point

A discussion involving differing points of view; debate

Topic- conflict/issue at hand

Thesis- proving your position on the issue

Three elements of argument to appeal to the audience:

·         Logos- based on logic, provides evidence and support. Use objective facts that are “true”. Examples include observation, statistics, facts, experiences

·         Pathos- based on emotions such as sadness, guilt, humanity, or positive feelings

·         Ethos- based on ethics and the spirit of right and wrong, establishes credibility and considers the opposition

 *danger of using any one of these- weakens argument

Logical Fallacies- a pattern of thinking that has faulty reasoning and error in the argument, can “poke holes” in the argument

                Ex. Music education makes kids smarter

                                Holes- SAT’s do not measure intelligence

                                                Socioeconomic classes may provide more/better opportunities

                                                Results can be based on the student’s focus, discipline, desire, and          determination attitudes

Using source material- make sure to comment on and connect back to your thesis, “3/4ths should be your analysis, 1/4^th should be the source material”, try not to end paragraphs with source material/quotes

Opposition- resistance or dissent, expressed in action or argument.

Concession-the act of yielding or conceding, as to a demand or argument

Refutation- an act of refuting a statement, charge, etc.; disproof.

Observation

Entering the Adanti Student Center and climbing up the two, dark grey colored stairs, your tired legs will take a few steps until you reach your destination. Bright colors and paper flyers cover the glass doors ahead of you filled with fitness activities and events that are coming up in the next few weeks. As you turn the slippery silver handle and enter the glass doors, you are greeted with smiling faces usually in gray tee shirts. “Hey, how are you today?” is the first question you try to answer but the smell of sweat and rubber overtake your nose. Then, you gently swipe your hoot loot, making sure the black bar code is facing toward you and hear a beep. The beep is your ticket into the gym and you are finally ready to begin your workout.

 Passing two more open doors to offices on the left and ten tall cardio machines on the right, the girl’s locker room jumps out at you. In this classy, all white and cream locker room, girls of all sizes are preparing for their workout or are covered in sweat already. The tiled floors have scattered spots of dirt from outside but are generally kept up well. Your worst enemy is staring you in the face with numbers ranging from zero to three hundred and a black platform to determine your confidence. A quick look in the full length mirror, and you step back out onto the speckled gray textured floor. Sounds of metal hitting metal and static from the machines along with faint music will fill your ears here, but most like to drown this sound out with ear phones and their personal music.

                Many different people spend their time here including students and faculty, but they all have a few things in common. The most obvious, sweat and beat red faces, but the less obvious, hard work ethic and determination. Working out is a life style that most believe is just physical but is mentally exhausting as well. Your mind set must be motivated and ready to take on what you think is the impossible just to get that body you’ve always dreamed of. Taking a few steps further, past the dozens of treadmills and elliptical machines lined in parallel rows, you look to your left and find a huge mirror coupled with black free weights and weight machines. Mostly guys will stand in this area to look at themselves and their progress in the mirror, very rarely will you see females here. In the way back of this straight lined facility, you will find two doors to enter into a room. This room always reminds me of my ballet room as it has ceiling to floor mirrors and light sand colored wooden floors. Used for group exercise and space, this room can be turned into one of the most fun places on campus, being able to socialize while working hard. The SCSU fitness center is filled with positive energy and various people constantly trying to reach their goals which rubs off on any new comers or even the regulars. 

7T

Blog 7T

Observational Writing- comprises analytical, informative, and thought provoking portraits, or profiles, of a person or place

Perspective- the main idea or cultural significance that the writer wants readers to take away from reading the observational profile

Participant observer- becomes an insider, joining in the activity with the people being interviewed and observed

Detached spectator- the writer acts as an independent reporter, watching and listening but remaining outside of the activity

Quote- used when language is especially vivid or memorable, giving an impression of the speaker as well as providing important information

Summary- used to condense lengthy information

Paraphrase- used when the writer needs to go into detail but can put the information in a more striking form that the speaker originally used

Independent Clause- can stand alone as a sentence, with a subject and verb, beginning with a capital letter and ending with terminal punctuation such as a period.

Organizing the Information:
Topically- the writer brings up a series of topics about the subject.
Narrative- the writer tells a story that extends over a period of time
Spatially- writer takes the readers on a tour of a place, pointing out interesting sights and bringing up various topics about the subject as they move through the scene

7R

Blog 7R

                Throughout the past few classes, we have been focusing on polishing our autobiographical essays which have been very beneficial to me. More peer review helped me to definitely recognize that my thesis was not specific enough to my memory and I also had the chance to re-read my essay in class to look at sentence structure and transitions. These two lead me to change a lot of my sentences to include more variety and further make my sentences clearer and flow nicely. I went paragraph by paragraph and specifically focused only on the topic and ending sentences to make sure they supported each other as well as supported the thesis. Also in this workshop, I once again could see that I still need additional practice on writing an effective and strong thesis and I think most of my classmates would agree with this themselves. Hopefully by the end of the semester I will finally become proficient at this skill! I was also refreshed when went over the correct use of the semi-colon. Having heavy practice in rhetoric class senior year, I was once very good at knowing all of the grammar rules, but have since become a bit rusty. Another helpful work shopping tool was discussing how to avoid run on sentences and making sure the subject “I” did not begin every sentence.

                On Thursday, we were introduced to a new kind of writing known as Observational Writing. I am familiar with this type of writing and have already completed a paper in Anthropology which uses this strategy of using your five senses and creating vivid scene for the reader. The activity held in class was to observe the classroom and describe it, then observe the tabletop podium and describe that. It was definitely much easier to describe the classroom because there was more to look at, but describing the podium lead to much abstract thinking and really made me pay attention to detail. Further, we wrote a thesis statement to make an argument about one of these which was challenging, but I certainly liked the practice. We also read two observational pieces in our book and discussed them in class this week. I have always known that annotating my readings have helped me in the past and this week just supported this. The class discussed in small groups different analysis assumptions which pushed us to investigate what we read and answer questions having to do with if we thought Mr. Yeganeh is a bully or if his actions are justifiable and also assumptions about customer service. I liked this activity in that it took apart the story and I could use some work in recognizing these assumptions or themes in the pieces that we read to formulate more meaning to them. From a writing standpoint, it is a somewhat new form of writing for me, so I am curious to see how effective my observations of a person, place, or thing will come across in my writing. 

Reflection Letter

As I reflect back, I have written many autobiographical pieces throughout my high school career and one or two in college but this style or writing has never been my strongest. I found this assignment to be very unique by starting off picking songs that related to our lives and turning that into essay format. Through this process, it created an abstract way of looking at the things in which describe ourselves and our life experiences thus far. I was able to really look at the events in my life that shaped me, changed me, or made me realize who I am today.

                My essay, I feel, does an efficient job of describing to readers how the situation I am in came about and has an interesting way of portraying the story line. I also feel that the essay essentially proves that with distance included, a meaningful and effective relationship can still be established. I hope that my essay shows a new, less negative perspective on long distance relationships whether it be because of the armed forces, or just because two people who love each other do not live in the same place. Using some of the song’s lyrics in my introduction and conclusion can also be viewed as a strength in my essay because it may be unexpected and draws the reader into my memory. My essay has smooth transitions from memory to analysis and the analysis makes good connection back to the memory itself. This essay definitely has its down sides to it which include having a strong thesis statement. I have worked many times to change the thesis to make it more specific and not a cliché, but I still feel like I struggle in this area. I also could add more analysis, and I did from the first draft, but I am unsure as to what more I could add on. If I was given more time to write this essay, I would definitely try to include more lyrics and tie my memory more into the song so it would be strong and interesting to read.

                As I had mentioned in a previous blog post, I was always unsure about peer review and it had never been one of my favorites to take part in. However, I was shocked at how well my group was able to communicate and work together to pick apart our essays during class. The peer review assignment which was completed online was also a very helpful tool in getting my group members points of view and hearing what I should alter because I am always unsure. Personally, I liked doing the actual peer review assignment, although tedious, in that it gave me a chance to breathe from my own essay and see my peers’ take on the assignment. I also am very interested in hearing about peoples life stories and the various events that happened to them so this made it enjoyable as well. A downside to this process was that sometimes when peer reviewing, the reviewer tries to change your essay so much that they lose the actual meaning to it so it is important that I stuck to what I had for some of it, because I was the one who actually experienced this memory. All in all, I have a more positive outlook on peer review, which is what I truly was hoping for, and want to experience more groups like this in the future!

Autobiographical Essay

Love from Afar

                It’s nearly impossible to find love when looking for it. You lose yourself or find yourself changing into someone you’re not, and force feelings. From being a part of a long distance relationship, it has become clear to me that the distance will not necessarily come in between a meaningful relationship.  “I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you, but you just smile and take my hand, you've been there you understand that it's all part of a grander plan that is coming true.” If you told me a few years ago that I would be a part of a relationship where I could not physically see the person every day, I’d look at you like you had ten heads and call you crazy.

Spooky black skies, the cool, crisp autumn air, and dirt roads always led us middle schoolers to the corn maze on the days we had no school. There, we would meet up with a bunch of our friends and get lost in the maze without a care in the world. This October Saturday was the one my friend Emily and I decided to join our girlfriends and stood anxiously at the entrance to meet up with the cute boys in our classes. My crush happened to be the tall blonde, Emily’s was the short brunette. Butterflies kissed the linings of our thirteen year old stomachs as the boys approached. Emily pointed out my crush, TJ, as he was the first one in line, but what caught my eye was the boy behind with his head down. I quietly whispered to her, “who is that boy behind TJ? Is he from South Windsor?” and to my surprise he was. Dressed in a hunter green zip up hoodie and black Los Angeles hat, the tall boy with the feathered long brown hair was TJ’s best friend Ben. It was as if the cameras were rolling, lights shining, something about being introduced to this boy made the world stop for a moment.

The other girls, along with TJ ended up getting a head start into the maze. “Find us in there!” TJ exclaimed. Emily, Ben, and I took our sweet time as there was no rush to getting lost in the maze. The conversation between us three was non-stop with constant laughter. We set foot in the maze, taking random turns at our discretion, getting deeper and more lost with each step. As I looked to my left, all of a sudden, a red and yellow shadow became clearer and jumped out at me. It was as I grew into a cheetah with the speed I gained to run away from the clown I was ever so frightened by. I finally reached a point where he stopped chasing me, but who was right behind me? The tall boy with the feathered long hair to make sure I was alright.  It was crazy to think this night would change my life forever, but at the time, I was clueless about it.

From this day on, the phone would hold a constant ring and texts would fly in filled with questions getting to know me attached with compliments. This would continue for the next four years. I quickly learned Ben moved here from three thousand miles away, California. His mom held a position of high importance as she was a neonatologist who was specialized in the lungs and respiratory system and her job had moved over to Connecticut for a few years. A few years. I did not know this when we started talking. I always just considered Ben as my best friend and nothing more. Hints were passed on that he liked me in a different way, and other boyfriends I had throughout the years blinded me. The texts and phone calls continued and nothing really changed.

“I don’t have the best news.” My heart was suddenly in my throat and chills ran from my toes up to the hairs on my head. “Uh oh, what,” was all I could think of for a response. The time between this text message and when I would get his news felt as an eternity. Ring! New text message from Benjamin. My hand developed a tremor as I slid the slide to unlock button on my phone to open the message. “My mom’s job has moved back to Cali…” Devastated, I was at a loss for words. The one who was always there for me would now be moving three thousand miles away. I was never good with change so the future seemed uncertain to me, and I was sure there was no way we would keep in contact.

The following two summers, Ben spent a month in Connecticut and we talked every single day. Still best friends, we shared countless Skype sessions and I found myself developing a little kid crush on him. While he was here, I got to spend some time with him, but I still had a boyfriend. During these times that we did get to spend together, I always had a blast and always wanted more time to spend with him. Finally, I knew what I wanted. “I have to tell you something, I love being your best friend, but I like you so much more than that. You are the most beautiful girl and I hope I don’t ruin our friendship by saying this.” That same speechless feeling came over me again as he took the words right out of my mouth! But thinking about it seemed too good to be true. I would let time pass and see if it was really meant to be and didn’t rush into anything, fighting the urge to. June came around and after talking every day that year, I couldn’t be more excited that he was visiting Connecticut again. The warm sand on the beach welcomed us countless times, the mountain smiled to the sun as we reached the top, and all of my friends and family would bark endlessly about how good of a pair we would be. It was inevitable. At the end of our six weeks together, Ben would finally pop the question at the edge of the rocks. I smiled from ear to ear and told him with absolute surety that I would be his girlfriend. We would now go our separate ways and be surrounded by tons of new people, party atmospheres, and new opportunity. Both of us going to college would be the ultimate test. It was difficult at first as we would view pictures of each other in social settings and at times, jealousy got the best of us, but as the months went on, it was clear we would be able to trust each other, while still having fun and experiencing college. Since we were best friends prior, we were accustomed to telling each other everything which is a definite must being so far away from each other.

                Going months at a time without seeing your significant other can be trying, exhausting, and very lonely at times. Days where you just need your best friend by your side to pick your head up or seeing other cute couples on campus often times makes the distance truly hard to deal with. Nonetheless, from three thousand miles away, that tall boy with the feathered long hair continues to make me the happiest girl in the world. Many look at me like I’m crazy when I say I have a boyfriend in California and don’t seem to comprehend how a long distance relationship works. I simply respond with two words, “trust and love.” I now get the opportunity to visit him there in the summer and experience a new atmosphere and part of the world. It is so promising that I get to learn what life is like on the western side of the country, and who knows, I could possibly find opportunity for myself over there. I never knew that another person could make you so happy, appreciate every little thing about you, and make you learn so much about yourself until now. He has become such a big and positive part of my life and has helped me become who I am today. Once you find that person, it will work, no matter the circumstances. Up to this point, I was used to impressing the people around me and making them happy, but I made this decision for myself and have no regrets.  God bless the broken road that lead me straight to you. 

5R

                After completing this short week of English, I realized I have a lot to work on. The thesis practice in class was very refreshing because even though I may think I am confident with writing theses, I always learn new ways and strategies to prove that I still need some practice. I enjoyed collaborating with classmates to analyze our thesis statements to ensure we included both a specific or personal part, and the meaning attached to that. From this, we determined that I had both of these elements, but I need to find a way to express the word choice differently to fully get my point across and make it a strong thesis.

                Furthermore, there was much clarification on how to organize this essay which is also something that needs a lot of tweaking in my essay. In my first run through of the draft, I put the events in chronological order and included analysis at the end, but after class I recognized that I wanted to try and switch up the paragraphs to start from the now and flashback to the then. This will give my essay more shape and keep it interesting. I really want to also try and use the song as a conclusion or introductory strategy because I find it to be an abstract way to describe events in our lives. Music has always been a big part of my life and I find songs say the words I can’t seem to fit together. Aware that this essay will require a lot of change, I am ready to tackle and make a piece that will be worth reading. 

Rough Draft #1

It’s nearly impossible to find love when looking for it. You lose yourself, find yourself changing into someone you’re not, and force feelings. Although life throws you curves, no amount of distance can break through love because you can always find ways around it.  Love has a funny way of coming to and always creeps up on you when you least expect it.

Spooky black skies, the cool, crisp autumn air, and dirt roads always led us middle schoolers to the corn maze on the days we had no school. There, we would meet up with a bunch of our friends and get lost in the maze without a care in the world. This October Saturday was the one my friend Emily and I decided to join our girlfriends and stood anxiously at the entrance to meet up with the cute boys in our classes. My crush happened to be the tall blonde, Emily’s the short brunette. Butterflies kissed the linings of our thirteen year old stomachs as the boys approached. Emily pointed out my crush, TJ, as he was the first one in line, but what caught my eye was the boy behind with his head down. I quietly whispered to her, “who is that boy behind TJ? Is he from South Windsor?” and to my surprise he was. Dressed in a hunter green zip up hoodie and black Los Angeles hat, the tall boy with the feathered long brown hair was TJ’s best friend Ben. It was as if the cameras were rolling, lights shining, something about being introduced to this boy made the world stop for a moment.

The other girls, along with TJ ended up getting a head start into the maze. “Find us in there!” TJ exclaimed. Emily, Ben, and I took our sweet time as there was no rush to getting lost in the maze. The conversation between us three was non-stop with constant laughter included. We set foot in the maze, taking random turns at our discretion, getting deeper and more lost with each step. As I looked to my left, all of a sudden, a red and yellow shadow became clearer and jumped out at me. It was as I grew into a cheetah with the speed I gained to run away from the clown I was ever so frightened by. I finally reached a point where he stopped chasing me, but who was right behind me? The tall boy with the feathered long hair to make sure I was alright.  It was crazy to think this night would change my life forever, but at the time, I was clueless about it.

From this day on, the phone would ring and texts would fly in filled with questions getting to know me attached with compliments. This would continue for the next four years. I quickly learned Ben moved here from three thousand miles away, California. His mom held a position of high importance as she was a neonatologist who was specialized in the lungs and respiratory system and her job had moved over to Connecticut for a few years. A few years. I did not know this when we started talking. I always just considered Ben as my best friend and nothing more. Hints were passed on that he liked me in a different way, but I was blinded by other boyfriends I had throughout the years but the texts and phone calls continued, nothing really changed.

“I don’t have the best news.” My heart was suddenly in my throat and chills ran from my toes up to the hairs on my head. “Uh oh, what,” was all I could think of for a response. The time between this text message and when I would get his news felt as an eternity. Ring! New text message from Benjamin. My hand developed a tremor as I slid the slide to unlock button on my phone to open the message. “My mom’s job has moved back to Cali…” Devastated, I was at a loss for words. The one who was always there for me would now be moving three thousand miles away. I was never good with change so the future seemed uncertain to me, and I was sure there was no way we would keep in contact.

The following two summers, Ben spent a month in Connecticut and we talked every single day. Still best friends, we shared countless Skype sessions and I found myself developing a little kid crush on him. While he was here, I got to spend some time with him, as I still had a boyfriend. The time we spent together was always so much fun and I always found myself wanting to spend more. Finally, I knew what I wanted. “I have to tell you something, I love being your best friend, but I like you so much more than that. You are the most beautiful girl and I hope I don’t ruin our friendship by saying this.” That sane speechless feeling came over me again as he took the words right out of my mouth! But thinking about it seemed too good to be true. I would let time pass and see if it was really meant to be and didn’t rush into anything, fighting the urge to. June came around and after talking every day that year, I couldn’t be more excited that he was visiting Connecticut again. The warm sand on the beach welcomed us countless times, the mountain smiled to the sun as we reached the top, and all of my friends and family would bark endlessly about how good of a pair we would be. It was inevitable. At the end of our six weeks together, Ben would finally pop the question at the edge of the rocks. I smiled from ear to ear and told him with absolute surety that I would be his girlfriend. We would now go our separate ways and be surrounded by tons of new people, party atmospheres, and new opportunity. Both of us going to college would be the ultimate test. It was difficult at first as we would view pictures of each other in social settings and at times, jealousy got the best of us, but as the months went on, it was clear we would be able to trust each other, while still having fun and experiencing college. Since we were best friends prior, we were accustomed to telling each other everything which is a definite must being so far away from each other.

                Going months at a time without seeing your significant other can be trying, exhausting, and very lonely at times but I would not change a thing. Even from three thousand miles away, that tall boy with the feathered long hair continues to make me the happiest girl in the world. Many look at me like I’m crazy when I say I have a boyfriend in California and don’t seem to comprehend how a long distance relationship works. I now get the opportunity to visit him there in the summer and experience a new atmosphere and part of the world. It is so promising that I get to learn what life is like on the western side of the country, and who knows, I could possibly find opportunity for myself over there. I never knew that another person could make you so happy, pick you up when you’re down, and appreciate every little thing about you, and make you learn so much about yourself until now. He has become such a big and positive part of my life and has helped me become who I am today. Once you find that person, it will work, no matter the circumstances. Up to this point, I was used to impressing the people around me and making them happy, but I made this decision for myself and have no regrets.  God bless the broken road that lead me straight to you. 

5R

Autobiographical Essay format-

Choose 1 or 2 song entries from autobiographical mixtape

Event/story piece/memory + meaning & analysis

Utilize the song as an introductory or concluding strategy

Ways to organize the essay:

Chronological Order-

·                            Story(S), S, S,S, Analysis(A), A

          Or

·                           S, A,S, A, S, A..

         Or

·                         S+A, S+A, S+A…

Organization by importance-

Order the essay from most important event to least or vice versa with analysis

Compare/Contrast-

Begin with how you were before compared to now and how the event changed you or start with the now and how you got to this point compared to before.

Autobiography Rough Draft

Autobiographical Draft 1

                It’s nearly impossible to find love when looking for it. You lose yourself, find yourself changing into someone you’re not, and force feelings. Love has a funny way of coming to and always creeps up on you when you least expect it.

Spooky black skies, the cool, crisp autumn air, and dirt roads always led us middle schoolers to the corn maze on the days we had no school. There, we would meet up with a bunch of our friends and get lost in the maze without a care in the world. This October Saturday was the one my friend Emily and I decided to join our girlfriends and stood anxiously at the entrance to meet up with the cute boys in our classes. My crush happened to be the tall blonde, Emily’s the short brunette. Butterflies kissed the linings of our thirteen year old stomachs as the boys approached. Emily pointed out my crush, TJ, as he was the first one in line, but what caught my eye was the boy behind with his head down. I quietly whispered to her, “who is that boy behind TJ? Is he from South Windsor?” and to my surprise he was. Dressed in a hunter green zip up hoodie and black Los Angeles hat, the tall boy with the feathered long brown hair was TJ’s best friend Ben. It was as if the cameras were rolling, lights shining, something about being introduced to this boy made the world stop for a moment.

The other girls, along with TJ ended up getting a head start into the maze. “Find us in there!” TJ exclaimed. Emily, Ben, and I took our sweet time as there was no rush to getting lost in the maze. The conversation between us three was non-stop with constant laughter included. We set foot in the maze, taking random turns at our discretion, getting deeper and more lost with each step. As I looked to my left, all of a sudden, a red and yellow shadow became clearer and jumped out at me. It was as I grew into a cheetah with the speed I gained to run away from the clown I was ever so frightened by. I finally reached a point where he stopped chasing me, but who was right behind me? The tall boy with the feathered long hair to make sure I was alright.  It was crazy to think this night would change my life forever, but at the time, I was clueless about it.

From this day on, the phone would ring and texts would fly in filled with questions getting to know me attached with compliments. This would continue for the next four years. I quickly learned Ben moved here from three thousand miles away, California. His mom held a position of high importance as she was a neonatologist who was specialized in the lungs and respiratory system and her job had moved over to Connecticut for a few years. A few years. I did not know this when we started talking. I always just considered Ben as my best friend and nothing more. Hints were passed on that he liked me in a different way, but I was blinded by other boyfriends I had throughout the years but the texts and phone calls continued, nothing really changed.

“I don’t have the best news.” My heart was suddenly in my throat and chills ran from my toes up to the hairs on my head. “Uh oh, what,” was all I could think of for a response. The time between this text message and when I would get his news felt as an eternity. Ring! New text message from Benjamin. My hand developed a tremor as I slid the slide to unlock button on my phone to open the message. “My mom’s job has moved back to Cali…”

                Life has such a funny way of working itself out. Although life throws you curves, no amount of distance can break through love because you can always find ways around it. How cliché of me to end up falling in love with my best friend.

4R

The words “peer review” always triggered the word “good” in my head whenever it is brought up. Excited to be a part of writer’s workshop in high school for the first few times, I’ve learned that it was pretty awful in the end. I will never forget sophomore year in Mr. St. Jean’s Honors English class where we had to evaluate our peers work as part of our grade, and I got my essay back with the word “good” written sporadically. Not only was I upset that my partner did not take the time to effectively peer review, but now I was not able to change my essay enough for the teacher to notice and essentially did not do as well as I wanted to. From this, peer review has always placed a sour taste in my mouth.

                However, in class this week, we discussed the pros, cons, and purposes of peer review, and shined a new light on it. It made me want to give this process a new try and outlook in hopes of coming out with something positive! Some pros we discussed included having more eyes on your paper, practicing revising and reading, and seeing things from a different way of approaching the same assignment. The cons, which have truth because I have experienced, included giving the wrong advice, having hurt feelings, being too nice, and lack of time and effort put in.

Not only did I want to give peer review a second chance, but definitely obtained new ways for myself to become a more efficient peer editor. I now know that I should read the essay once through to get the gist, then go back and review it so I won’t get caught up with little grammatical errors or confusion. With this, the videos in class showed exactly how to and how to not be a peer reviewer, things like looking for improving organization and seeking a strong thesis statement are much more favorable than spelling and grammar mistakes. From the first assignment we were given with our groups, I can already tell my group members will be awesome in putting in effort and honesty when peer reviewing, so I am excited to see what can come out of it!

4T

Peer Review- reviewing, reading, and commenting on other’s work

Purposes of peer review: step in the writing process, get feedback on work to lead to revision, gain the perspective of your peers and appropriate feedback, practice reading and revising to apply to your own work, gives you space from your paper, see other approaches or strategies used

Pros of peer review: more eyes on your paper before you hand in to professor, good feedback can benefit you, practice revising & see other perspectives

Cons of peer review: wrong advice given, may not put in the time or effort, being too nice or not wanting to offend, hurt feelings, lack of confidence to peer review, defensiveness

Deeper Revision: focusing on the elaboration, organization, and asking questions of the author- a more effective way to peer review

Surface Revision: getting caught up looking at spelling and grammar, not an effective peer review strategy

Autobiographical Mixtape

Autobiographical Mixtape

1.       One Sweet Day- Mariah Carey & Boyz II Men http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cX6m1xNwmgY

To my guardian angels- Nonna, Nonno, and Kenny O, I think about you each day and I know you’re shining down on me from heaven. You were all taken from me way too soon but the laughs, good times, and memories we shared will forever stay in my heart. This song is for you in that I know we will be together one sweet day. You all taught me to appreciate each day I am given and also the loved ones surrounding me and I am thankful for that. This song reminds me that even though you are not physically here, you will always be with me and always watch over me.

                                                        

2.       Every Storm (Runs Out Of Rain) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZ_Bnu_RbQM

This song represents one of the darkest times in my life, when I tore my knee up, was required surgery, and eventually told I could never play soccer again. I will never forget sitting in the orthopedics’ office feeling like the world had crashed down on me. Soccer was such a huge part of my life for over ten years and I could have never pictured my life without it. As this song says, “every storm runs out of rain” and I was eventually able to cope with the fact that I could never step foot on the field to play again. However, I was able to still be around my team, surround myself with the sport, and continue pursuing dance, all of which made it a little easier. 

3.      

     Laughed Until We Cried- Jason Aldean    

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QNLiNJUsIeA

Having friends in different grades is always such fun because you have a variety of perspectives but all get along. This song was played at each one of our graduation parties and is one that I will always remember them by. We have memories throughout high school that I will never forget: road trips, hikes, pool, dinner dates, concerts, beach etc. No matter where life takes us, I know these few friends will always be there for me, as I will for them, and listening to this song helps me deal with being away from them for so long!

4.       Explosions in the Sky- Your Hand in Mine http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JzIK5FaC38w

This was the last dance I got to perform on stage, a ballet, before leaving for college. Dance has been such an important part of my life since I was five years old. It has helped me to get through hardships in my life and also has taught me to get back up when you fall down. The strength both mentally and physically I have obtained through dance will never be forgotten. Although my dancing career has come to a close, I will still surround myself with this beautiful art. This song always reminds me of overcoming challenges in life and the way the song builds gives me motivation to face whatever comes my way in my life. 

5.     

        Bless the Broken Road- Rascal Flatts

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Do32g82qilk

Just last year, my best friend of four years became my boyfriend. We are not in the most ideal situation as he moved back to California a few years ago but I wouldn’t change a thing. Our long distance allows us to visit new places together and have memories that normal couples would not have. Even after four years, he still manages to put a smile on my face each day and our relationship has become so strong. He has become such a big and positive part of my life and has helped me become who I am today. Once you find that person, it will work, no matter the circumstances.