7T

Blog 7T

Observational Writing- comprises analytical, informative, and thought provoking portraits, or profiles, of a person or place

Perspective- the main idea or cultural significance that the writer wants readers to take away from reading the observational profile

Participant observer- becomes an insider, joining in the activity with the people being interviewed and observed

Detached spectator- the writer acts as an independent reporter, watching and listening but remaining outside of the activity

Quote- used when language is especially vivid or memorable, giving an impression of the speaker as well as providing important information

Summary- used to condense lengthy information

Paraphrase- used when the writer needs to go into detail but can put the information in a more striking form that the speaker originally used

Independent Clause- can stand alone as a sentence, with a subject and verb, beginning with a capital letter and ending with terminal punctuation such as a period.

Organizing the Information:
Topically- the writer brings up a series of topics about the subject.
Narrative- the writer tells a story that extends over a period of time
Spatially- writer takes the readers on a tour of a place, pointing out interesting sights and bringing up various topics about the subject as they move through the scene

7R

Blog 7R

                Throughout the past few classes, we have been focusing on polishing our autobiographical essays which have been very beneficial to me. More peer review helped me to definitely recognize that my thesis was not specific enough to my memory and I also had the chance to re-read my essay in class to look at sentence structure and transitions. These two lead me to change a lot of my sentences to include more variety and further make my sentences clearer and flow nicely. I went paragraph by paragraph and specifically focused only on the topic and ending sentences to make sure they supported each other as well as supported the thesis. Also in this workshop, I once again could see that I still need additional practice on writing an effective and strong thesis and I think most of my classmates would agree with this themselves. Hopefully by the end of the semester I will finally become proficient at this skill! I was also refreshed when went over the correct use of the semi-colon. Having heavy practice in rhetoric class senior year, I was once very good at knowing all of the grammar rules, but have since become a bit rusty. Another helpful work shopping tool was discussing how to avoid run on sentences and making sure the subject “I” did not begin every sentence.

                On Thursday, we were introduced to a new kind of writing known as Observational Writing. I am familiar with this type of writing and have already completed a paper in Anthropology which uses this strategy of using your five senses and creating vivid scene for the reader. The activity held in class was to observe the classroom and describe it, then observe the tabletop podium and describe that. It was definitely much easier to describe the classroom because there was more to look at, but describing the podium lead to much abstract thinking and really made me pay attention to detail. Further, we wrote a thesis statement to make an argument about one of these which was challenging, but I certainly liked the practice. We also read two observational pieces in our book and discussed them in class this week. I have always known that annotating my readings have helped me in the past and this week just supported this. The class discussed in small groups different analysis assumptions which pushed us to investigate what we read and answer questions having to do with if we thought Mr. Yeganeh is a bully or if his actions are justifiable and also assumptions about customer service. I liked this activity in that it took apart the story and I could use some work in recognizing these assumptions or themes in the pieces that we read to formulate more meaning to them. From a writing standpoint, it is a somewhat new form of writing for me, so I am curious to see how effective my observations of a person, place, or thing will come across in my writing. 

Reflection Letter

As I reflect back, I have written many autobiographical pieces throughout my high school career and one or two in college but this style or writing has never been my strongest. I found this assignment to be very unique by starting off picking songs that related to our lives and turning that into essay format. Through this process, it created an abstract way of looking at the things in which describe ourselves and our life experiences thus far. I was able to really look at the events in my life that shaped me, changed me, or made me realize who I am today.

                My essay, I feel, does an efficient job of describing to readers how the situation I am in came about and has an interesting way of portraying the story line. I also feel that the essay essentially proves that with distance included, a meaningful and effective relationship can still be established. I hope that my essay shows a new, less negative perspective on long distance relationships whether it be because of the armed forces, or just because two people who love each other do not live in the same place. Using some of the song’s lyrics in my introduction and conclusion can also be viewed as a strength in my essay because it may be unexpected and draws the reader into my memory. My essay has smooth transitions from memory to analysis and the analysis makes good connection back to the memory itself. This essay definitely has its down sides to it which include having a strong thesis statement. I have worked many times to change the thesis to make it more specific and not a cliché, but I still feel like I struggle in this area. I also could add more analysis, and I did from the first draft, but I am unsure as to what more I could add on. If I was given more time to write this essay, I would definitely try to include more lyrics and tie my memory more into the song so it would be strong and interesting to read.

                As I had mentioned in a previous blog post, I was always unsure about peer review and it had never been one of my favorites to take part in. However, I was shocked at how well my group was able to communicate and work together to pick apart our essays during class. The peer review assignment which was completed online was also a very helpful tool in getting my group members points of view and hearing what I should alter because I am always unsure. Personally, I liked doing the actual peer review assignment, although tedious, in that it gave me a chance to breathe from my own essay and see my peers’ take on the assignment. I also am very interested in hearing about peoples life stories and the various events that happened to them so this made it enjoyable as well. A downside to this process was that sometimes when peer reviewing, the reviewer tries to change your essay so much that they lose the actual meaning to it so it is important that I stuck to what I had for some of it, because I was the one who actually experienced this memory. All in all, I have a more positive outlook on peer review, which is what I truly was hoping for, and want to experience more groups like this in the future!

Autobiographical Essay

Love from Afar

                It’s nearly impossible to find love when looking for it. You lose yourself or find yourself changing into someone you’re not, and force feelings. From being a part of a long distance relationship, it has become clear to me that the distance will not necessarily come in between a meaningful relationship.  “I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you, but you just smile and take my hand, you've been there you understand that it's all part of a grander plan that is coming true.” If you told me a few years ago that I would be a part of a relationship where I could not physically see the person every day, I’d look at you like you had ten heads and call you crazy.

Spooky black skies, the cool, crisp autumn air, and dirt roads always led us middle schoolers to the corn maze on the days we had no school. There, we would meet up with a bunch of our friends and get lost in the maze without a care in the world. This October Saturday was the one my friend Emily and I decided to join our girlfriends and stood anxiously at the entrance to meet up with the cute boys in our classes. My crush happened to be the tall blonde, Emily’s was the short brunette. Butterflies kissed the linings of our thirteen year old stomachs as the boys approached. Emily pointed out my crush, TJ, as he was the first one in line, but what caught my eye was the boy behind with his head down. I quietly whispered to her, “who is that boy behind TJ? Is he from South Windsor?” and to my surprise he was. Dressed in a hunter green zip up hoodie and black Los Angeles hat, the tall boy with the feathered long brown hair was TJ’s best friend Ben. It was as if the cameras were rolling, lights shining, something about being introduced to this boy made the world stop for a moment.

The other girls, along with TJ ended up getting a head start into the maze. “Find us in there!” TJ exclaimed. Emily, Ben, and I took our sweet time as there was no rush to getting lost in the maze. The conversation between us three was non-stop with constant laughter. We set foot in the maze, taking random turns at our discretion, getting deeper and more lost with each step. As I looked to my left, all of a sudden, a red and yellow shadow became clearer and jumped out at me. It was as I grew into a cheetah with the speed I gained to run away from the clown I was ever so frightened by. I finally reached a point where he stopped chasing me, but who was right behind me? The tall boy with the feathered long hair to make sure I was alright.  It was crazy to think this night would change my life forever, but at the time, I was clueless about it.

From this day on, the phone would hold a constant ring and texts would fly in filled with questions getting to know me attached with compliments. This would continue for the next four years. I quickly learned Ben moved here from three thousand miles away, California. His mom held a position of high importance as she was a neonatologist who was specialized in the lungs and respiratory system and her job had moved over to Connecticut for a few years. A few years. I did not know this when we started talking. I always just considered Ben as my best friend and nothing more. Hints were passed on that he liked me in a different way, and other boyfriends I had throughout the years blinded me. The texts and phone calls continued and nothing really changed.

“I don’t have the best news.” My heart was suddenly in my throat and chills ran from my toes up to the hairs on my head. “Uh oh, what,” was all I could think of for a response. The time between this text message and when I would get his news felt as an eternity. Ring! New text message from Benjamin. My hand developed a tremor as I slid the slide to unlock button on my phone to open the message. “My mom’s job has moved back to Cali…” Devastated, I was at a loss for words. The one who was always there for me would now be moving three thousand miles away. I was never good with change so the future seemed uncertain to me, and I was sure there was no way we would keep in contact.

The following two summers, Ben spent a month in Connecticut and we talked every single day. Still best friends, we shared countless Skype sessions and I found myself developing a little kid crush on him. While he was here, I got to spend some time with him, but I still had a boyfriend. During these times that we did get to spend together, I always had a blast and always wanted more time to spend with him. Finally, I knew what I wanted. “I have to tell you something, I love being your best friend, but I like you so much more than that. You are the most beautiful girl and I hope I don’t ruin our friendship by saying this.” That same speechless feeling came over me again as he took the words right out of my mouth! But thinking about it seemed too good to be true. I would let time pass and see if it was really meant to be and didn’t rush into anything, fighting the urge to. June came around and after talking every day that year, I couldn’t be more excited that he was visiting Connecticut again. The warm sand on the beach welcomed us countless times, the mountain smiled to the sun as we reached the top, and all of my friends and family would bark endlessly about how good of a pair we would be. It was inevitable. At the end of our six weeks together, Ben would finally pop the question at the edge of the rocks. I smiled from ear to ear and told him with absolute surety that I would be his girlfriend. We would now go our separate ways and be surrounded by tons of new people, party atmospheres, and new opportunity. Both of us going to college would be the ultimate test. It was difficult at first as we would view pictures of each other in social settings and at times, jealousy got the best of us, but as the months went on, it was clear we would be able to trust each other, while still having fun and experiencing college. Since we were best friends prior, we were accustomed to telling each other everything which is a definite must being so far away from each other.

                Going months at a time without seeing your significant other can be trying, exhausting, and very lonely at times. Days where you just need your best friend by your side to pick your head up or seeing other cute couples on campus often times makes the distance truly hard to deal with. Nonetheless, from three thousand miles away, that tall boy with the feathered long hair continues to make me the happiest girl in the world. Many look at me like I’m crazy when I say I have a boyfriend in California and don’t seem to comprehend how a long distance relationship works. I simply respond with two words, “trust and love.” I now get the opportunity to visit him there in the summer and experience a new atmosphere and part of the world. It is so promising that I get to learn what life is like on the western side of the country, and who knows, I could possibly find opportunity for myself over there. I never knew that another person could make you so happy, appreciate every little thing about you, and make you learn so much about yourself until now. He has become such a big and positive part of my life and has helped me become who I am today. Once you find that person, it will work, no matter the circumstances. Up to this point, I was used to impressing the people around me and making them happy, but I made this decision for myself and have no regrets.  God bless the broken road that lead me straight to you. 

5R

                After completing this short week of English, I realized I have a lot to work on. The thesis practice in class was very refreshing because even though I may think I am confident with writing theses, I always learn new ways and strategies to prove that I still need some practice. I enjoyed collaborating with classmates to analyze our thesis statements to ensure we included both a specific or personal part, and the meaning attached to that. From this, we determined that I had both of these elements, but I need to find a way to express the word choice differently to fully get my point across and make it a strong thesis.

                Furthermore, there was much clarification on how to organize this essay which is also something that needs a lot of tweaking in my essay. In my first run through of the draft, I put the events in chronological order and included analysis at the end, but after class I recognized that I wanted to try and switch up the paragraphs to start from the now and flashback to the then. This will give my essay more shape and keep it interesting. I really want to also try and use the song as a conclusion or introductory strategy because I find it to be an abstract way to describe events in our lives. Music has always been a big part of my life and I find songs say the words I can’t seem to fit together. Aware that this essay will require a lot of change, I am ready to tackle and make a piece that will be worth reading. 

Rough Draft #1

It’s nearly impossible to find love when looking for it. You lose yourself, find yourself changing into someone you’re not, and force feelings. Although life throws you curves, no amount of distance can break through love because you can always find ways around it.  Love has a funny way of coming to and always creeps up on you when you least expect it.

Spooky black skies, the cool, crisp autumn air, and dirt roads always led us middle schoolers to the corn maze on the days we had no school. There, we would meet up with a bunch of our friends and get lost in the maze without a care in the world. This October Saturday was the one my friend Emily and I decided to join our girlfriends and stood anxiously at the entrance to meet up with the cute boys in our classes. My crush happened to be the tall blonde, Emily’s the short brunette. Butterflies kissed the linings of our thirteen year old stomachs as the boys approached. Emily pointed out my crush, TJ, as he was the first one in line, but what caught my eye was the boy behind with his head down. I quietly whispered to her, “who is that boy behind TJ? Is he from South Windsor?” and to my surprise he was. Dressed in a hunter green zip up hoodie and black Los Angeles hat, the tall boy with the feathered long brown hair was TJ’s best friend Ben. It was as if the cameras were rolling, lights shining, something about being introduced to this boy made the world stop for a moment.

The other girls, along with TJ ended up getting a head start into the maze. “Find us in there!” TJ exclaimed. Emily, Ben, and I took our sweet time as there was no rush to getting lost in the maze. The conversation between us three was non-stop with constant laughter included. We set foot in the maze, taking random turns at our discretion, getting deeper and more lost with each step. As I looked to my left, all of a sudden, a red and yellow shadow became clearer and jumped out at me. It was as I grew into a cheetah with the speed I gained to run away from the clown I was ever so frightened by. I finally reached a point where he stopped chasing me, but who was right behind me? The tall boy with the feathered long hair to make sure I was alright.  It was crazy to think this night would change my life forever, but at the time, I was clueless about it.

From this day on, the phone would ring and texts would fly in filled with questions getting to know me attached with compliments. This would continue for the next four years. I quickly learned Ben moved here from three thousand miles away, California. His mom held a position of high importance as she was a neonatologist who was specialized in the lungs and respiratory system and her job had moved over to Connecticut for a few years. A few years. I did not know this when we started talking. I always just considered Ben as my best friend and nothing more. Hints were passed on that he liked me in a different way, but I was blinded by other boyfriends I had throughout the years but the texts and phone calls continued, nothing really changed.

“I don’t have the best news.” My heart was suddenly in my throat and chills ran from my toes up to the hairs on my head. “Uh oh, what,” was all I could think of for a response. The time between this text message and when I would get his news felt as an eternity. Ring! New text message from Benjamin. My hand developed a tremor as I slid the slide to unlock button on my phone to open the message. “My mom’s job has moved back to Cali…” Devastated, I was at a loss for words. The one who was always there for me would now be moving three thousand miles away. I was never good with change so the future seemed uncertain to me, and I was sure there was no way we would keep in contact.

The following two summers, Ben spent a month in Connecticut and we talked every single day. Still best friends, we shared countless Skype sessions and I found myself developing a little kid crush on him. While he was here, I got to spend some time with him, as I still had a boyfriend. The time we spent together was always so much fun and I always found myself wanting to spend more. Finally, I knew what I wanted. “I have to tell you something, I love being your best friend, but I like you so much more than that. You are the most beautiful girl and I hope I don’t ruin our friendship by saying this.” That sane speechless feeling came over me again as he took the words right out of my mouth! But thinking about it seemed too good to be true. I would let time pass and see if it was really meant to be and didn’t rush into anything, fighting the urge to. June came around and after talking every day that year, I couldn’t be more excited that he was visiting Connecticut again. The warm sand on the beach welcomed us countless times, the mountain smiled to the sun as we reached the top, and all of my friends and family would bark endlessly about how good of a pair we would be. It was inevitable. At the end of our six weeks together, Ben would finally pop the question at the edge of the rocks. I smiled from ear to ear and told him with absolute surety that I would be his girlfriend. We would now go our separate ways and be surrounded by tons of new people, party atmospheres, and new opportunity. Both of us going to college would be the ultimate test. It was difficult at first as we would view pictures of each other in social settings and at times, jealousy got the best of us, but as the months went on, it was clear we would be able to trust each other, while still having fun and experiencing college. Since we were best friends prior, we were accustomed to telling each other everything which is a definite must being so far away from each other.

                Going months at a time without seeing your significant other can be trying, exhausting, and very lonely at times but I would not change a thing. Even from three thousand miles away, that tall boy with the feathered long hair continues to make me the happiest girl in the world. Many look at me like I’m crazy when I say I have a boyfriend in California and don’t seem to comprehend how a long distance relationship works. I now get the opportunity to visit him there in the summer and experience a new atmosphere and part of the world. It is so promising that I get to learn what life is like on the western side of the country, and who knows, I could possibly find opportunity for myself over there. I never knew that another person could make you so happy, pick you up when you’re down, and appreciate every little thing about you, and make you learn so much about yourself until now. He has become such a big and positive part of my life and has helped me become who I am today. Once you find that person, it will work, no matter the circumstances. Up to this point, I was used to impressing the people around me and making them happy, but I made this decision for myself and have no regrets.  God bless the broken road that lead me straight to you. 

5R

Autobiographical Essay format-

Choose 1 or 2 song entries from autobiographical mixtape

Event/story piece/memory + meaning & analysis

Utilize the song as an introductory or concluding strategy

Ways to organize the essay:

Chronological Order-

·                            Story(S), S, S,S, Analysis(A), A

          Or

·                           S, A,S, A, S, A..

         Or

·                         S+A, S+A, S+A…

Organization by importance-

Order the essay from most important event to least or vice versa with analysis

Compare/Contrast-

Begin with how you were before compared to now and how the event changed you or start with the now and how you got to this point compared to before.