Autobiographical Essay

Love from Afar

                It’s nearly impossible to find love when looking for it. You lose yourself or find yourself changing into someone you’re not, and force feelings. From being a part of a long distance relationship, it has become clear to me that the distance will not necessarily come in between a meaningful relationship.  “I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you, but you just smile and take my hand, you've been there you understand that it's all part of a grander plan that is coming true.” If you told me a few years ago that I would be a part of a relationship where I could not physically see the person every day, I’d look at you like you had ten heads and call you crazy.

Spooky black skies, the cool, crisp autumn air, and dirt roads always led us middle schoolers to the corn maze on the days we had no school. There, we would meet up with a bunch of our friends and get lost in the maze without a care in the world. This October Saturday was the one my friend Emily and I decided to join our girlfriends and stood anxiously at the entrance to meet up with the cute boys in our classes. My crush happened to be the tall blonde, Emily’s was the short brunette. Butterflies kissed the linings of our thirteen year old stomachs as the boys approached. Emily pointed out my crush, TJ, as he was the first one in line, but what caught my eye was the boy behind with his head down. I quietly whispered to her, “who is that boy behind TJ? Is he from South Windsor?” and to my surprise he was. Dressed in a hunter green zip up hoodie and black Los Angeles hat, the tall boy with the feathered long brown hair was TJ’s best friend Ben. It was as if the cameras were rolling, lights shining, something about being introduced to this boy made the world stop for a moment.

The other girls, along with TJ ended up getting a head start into the maze. “Find us in there!” TJ exclaimed. Emily, Ben, and I took our sweet time as there was no rush to getting lost in the maze. The conversation between us three was non-stop with constant laughter. We set foot in the maze, taking random turns at our discretion, getting deeper and more lost with each step. As I looked to my left, all of a sudden, a red and yellow shadow became clearer and jumped out at me. It was as I grew into a cheetah with the speed I gained to run away from the clown I was ever so frightened by. I finally reached a point where he stopped chasing me, but who was right behind me? The tall boy with the feathered long hair to make sure I was alright.  It was crazy to think this night would change my life forever, but at the time, I was clueless about it.

From this day on, the phone would hold a constant ring and texts would fly in filled with questions getting to know me attached with compliments. This would continue for the next four years. I quickly learned Ben moved here from three thousand miles away, California. His mom held a position of high importance as she was a neonatologist who was specialized in the lungs and respiratory system and her job had moved over to Connecticut for a few years. A few years. I did not know this when we started talking. I always just considered Ben as my best friend and nothing more. Hints were passed on that he liked me in a different way, and other boyfriends I had throughout the years blinded me. The texts and phone calls continued and nothing really changed.

“I don’t have the best news.” My heart was suddenly in my throat and chills ran from my toes up to the hairs on my head. “Uh oh, what,” was all I could think of for a response. The time between this text message and when I would get his news felt as an eternity. Ring! New text message from Benjamin. My hand developed a tremor as I slid the slide to unlock button on my phone to open the message. “My mom’s job has moved back to Cali…” Devastated, I was at a loss for words. The one who was always there for me would now be moving three thousand miles away. I was never good with change so the future seemed uncertain to me, and I was sure there was no way we would keep in contact.

The following two summers, Ben spent a month in Connecticut and we talked every single day. Still best friends, we shared countless Skype sessions and I found myself developing a little kid crush on him. While he was here, I got to spend some time with him, but I still had a boyfriend. During these times that we did get to spend together, I always had a blast and always wanted more time to spend with him. Finally, I knew what I wanted. “I have to tell you something, I love being your best friend, but I like you so much more than that. You are the most beautiful girl and I hope I don’t ruin our friendship by saying this.” That same speechless feeling came over me again as he took the words right out of my mouth! But thinking about it seemed too good to be true. I would let time pass and see if it was really meant to be and didn’t rush into anything, fighting the urge to. June came around and after talking every day that year, I couldn’t be more excited that he was visiting Connecticut again. The warm sand on the beach welcomed us countless times, the mountain smiled to the sun as we reached the top, and all of my friends and family would bark endlessly about how good of a pair we would be. It was inevitable. At the end of our six weeks together, Ben would finally pop the question at the edge of the rocks. I smiled from ear to ear and told him with absolute surety that I would be his girlfriend. We would now go our separate ways and be surrounded by tons of new people, party atmospheres, and new opportunity. Both of us going to college would be the ultimate test. It was difficult at first as we would view pictures of each other in social settings and at times, jealousy got the best of us, but as the months went on, it was clear we would be able to trust each other, while still having fun and experiencing college. Since we were best friends prior, we were accustomed to telling each other everything which is a definite must being so far away from each other.

                Going months at a time without seeing your significant other can be trying, exhausting, and very lonely at times. Days where you just need your best friend by your side to pick your head up or seeing other cute couples on campus often times makes the distance truly hard to deal with. Nonetheless, from three thousand miles away, that tall boy with the feathered long hair continues to make me the happiest girl in the world. Many look at me like I’m crazy when I say I have a boyfriend in California and don’t seem to comprehend how a long distance relationship works. I simply respond with two words, “trust and love.” I now get the opportunity to visit him there in the summer and experience a new atmosphere and part of the world. It is so promising that I get to learn what life is like on the western side of the country, and who knows, I could possibly find opportunity for myself over there. I never knew that another person could make you so happy, appreciate every little thing about you, and make you learn so much about yourself until now. He has become such a big and positive part of my life and has helped me become who I am today. Once you find that person, it will work, no matter the circumstances. Up to this point, I was used to impressing the people around me and making them happy, but I made this decision for myself and have no regrets.  God bless the broken road that lead me straight to you.